The Art Institute of Chicago
Friendships Journey Motherhood

I can see clearly now the rain has “come”

"You aren't stuck on this," she said.

“Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.”

Mandy Hale

My friend Karin nodded.

“I can continue to listen, and you can continue to talk, but I think you already know what needs to be done. You aren’t stuck on this.”

She was right, of course.

I wasn’t stuck.

I was afraid.

Afraid of walking away from something that didn’t quite jibe with my life at the time. Fear was steering me in the wrong direction. At what expense? I’d been down this road before. When it came to men, I was the master of diving in head first, goggles off and blinders on, then acquiescing, coalescing, agreeing, and succumbing, until one day I found myself drowning in a situation that had I been true to myself I would have never been in.

We create our own destiny.

Yes, I believe that fate and karma and lots more things influence our future, but the person stewarding the ship is us. And ultimately, we are accountable to only ourselves.

What’s put this top of mind this morning? It’s Sunday. It’s rainy. It’s Spring. Tulips are erupting. Daffodils blooming. Birds returning. Tree buds falling. Grass greening. Winter retreating. Taxes nearing. Accounts depleting. Reality realizing.

Well, just a few things, I suppose.

Last night at Improv, Rad Uncle’s set, included time travel and minute-long moments of introspection the results of which included children, divorces, sex changes, and more. Thinking of the hilarity and absurdity of the set (hey, it’s Improv so anything can happen) I realize that we don’t need hours or days to look inside. Sometimes all we need is a split second when the gut twinges and the eye twitches, which trigger the brain to make the right call. Other times a mother or friend, deftly serve up a swift kick in the ass or tell us what we already know so we can do what we need to do. It’s the art of simultaneously triggering and silencing one sense to tap into the other. You knew what needed to be done, but you heard it. And presto! What do you know? Now you can do what you needed to do all along.

This blog post populated my head this morning as I made the coffee, emptied the dishwasher, filled the dishwasher and started to go through the list of things that need to be done so I can ready this house for sale. The to-do list includes concrete actions, from painting to spackling, to purging and staging. As I poured the coffee, stirred in the two teaspoons of raw sugar and splashed it with milk, I recalled the conversation with my friends Linda and Leslie last night after Improv, and I realized I was stuck. And I was afraid. Yes, the decision to sell this house is right. I’ve done the numbers. You can’t sugarcoat them. Nonetheless, what I had not done, until this moment, is given myself permission to sell.

It’s the emotional side of the decision-making process that trips us up every time. All the work that went into buying this house. All the dreams that I had for us in this house. All the sacrifices made to keep this house. All of that needs to be accepted as the right action at the right time. And now it’s time to move on and move out.

Karin was talking about something entirely different a few weeks ago when she told me I knew what needed to be done. This morning I now think that she deftly provided a soft kick to the ass to help me get here. I needed to remove all the construction cones to refocus on this life as a mother and do what needs to be done. Funny that the rain had to come to help me see this clearly.

Like Mandy Hale wrote: “Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.”

16 comments on “I can see clearly now the rain has “come”

  1. Karen,

    It’s so true. I think sometimes we talk ourselves into believing that the things we possess will keep things a certain way. But it’s the people we look forward to, they do this for us. When I got divorced, I was a good bet to get married again. Now? It’s fifty fifty at best. And that’s okay, because I look forward to my kids and my friends. If there is more to my story, it’ll happen.
    Glad you got a kick in the ass, of sorts.

    Peace

    Liked by 2 people

  2. The ongoing battle between the emotional and the rational. Odds are with the rational, but we seem to not believe it.

    PS. The Challenge has been met … but where does the nugget lie is the question.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I know EXACTLY what you are going through, my new friend. It took me three years to finally be ready to cut this final physical tie with my late husband. I wanted to – I so wanted to. I discussed, thought, rediscussed, re-thought, dreamt, wrote, cried, stressed and finally, this year is the proper time. It sounds almost stupid but I can’t wait to find my own house, chosen by me with no outside influences and have a reason to NOT put up our wedding picture.
    Here’s a smooth and relaxed version…

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You are so awesome for embracing your true self. Lucy

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

The Campervan Man

One Man, One Van and No Plan.

The Renegade Press

Tales from the mouth of a wolf

Through Open Lens

Home of Lukas Kondraciuk Photography

roads bel travelled

Exploring open roads without breaking the bank

Forgotten Magic: Imagine Loving

Muffins, Coffee and this Blog

Our self-health is worth it

“Don’t Be Ashamed Of Your Story It Will Inspire Others”

Julie Around The Globe

The less traveled paths

Something New

Taking life one day at a time and praying every step of the way.

Hurry The Food Up

Vegan and Vegetarian Recipes For Busy People

Rochelle Wisoff-Fields-Addicted to Purple

Growing older is inevitable. Growing up is optional.

The Demilade Olafisoye blog

Social Media, Content and Everything in-between

Normal Happenings

Appreciating Everyday Life

O.D.

Contemplations From A Black Star Citizen.

SimpleCulinaryExcursions

explore simple foods with a flair

%d bloggers like this: